?

Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Wednesday's Child

Title: Wednesday's Child
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating/Pairing: PG/gen
Summary: Every day is Wednesday to him now. Semi-coda, and therefore spoilers, for 3x11 "Mystery Spot".




Every day feels the same.

It's not quite the same as the repeating Tuesday, because there, every day was the same, except for the way in which Dean died. A thousand Tuesdays, and a thousand deaths, and it kept being Tuesday again.

And then it was Wednesday.

Sam doesn't actually keep a calendar any more, because it really doesn't matter at all. Every day is Wednesday. Tuesday was when Dean died, except that he'd wake up and Dean would be alive again. Wednesday...

Wednesday was when Sam died, because that was the day he'd killed Dean.

(You have to be careful what you ask a trickster, he realized, way too late. Specific. All he'd asked was to be out of the loop, and that's exactly what he got.)

Every day is Wednesday to him now.

You'd think he'd be used to it.




"Sam," Bobby says, "call me." His voice is flat because that's what voice mail does, but a detatched part of Sam's brain hears other things, grief and despair and desperation.

Bobby says, "I need to know you're okay," and that's part of why Sam never calls him back.

Instead, he promises, wordlessly: I'll call you when it's Thursday.




(He does, long afterwards, a lifetime and a day. He calls because he promised to, even though Bobby doesn't remember what happened, and Sam doesn't explain why he's calling.)




Everyone becomes a hunter for a reason. Sam had always assumed that his reason was /because I was taught to/. Because it was the way John had brought them up, soldiers in an unwinnable fight against the darkness.

He was wrong. He hadn't been a hunter, before; he hadn't understood. Sam grew up the way he did because of John, but he became a hunter because of Dean.




Sam keeps Dean's cell phone, and keeps it charged, purely so that he can call it sometimes and listen to the voice on the other end.

Leave me a message, Dean's voice says, brisk and cheerful.

He does, sometimes, even though he knows it won't get heard.




This is how you become a hunter: You take away everything. Everything that hurts, everything that makes you hesitate, everything that makes you weak, everything that makes you inefficient, everything that makes you a not-hunter: every single thing goes away, except your knowledge of how to kill and your determination to do so. And then when you are done with that, you are a weapon, deadly and efficient, like a gun that has been stripped and oiled and put back together.

When he thinks about it, which isn't often, Sam rather likes being a weapon. It doesn't hurt half as much.




He keeps everything tidy; it gives him something to focus on. No mess, no sloppiness, a near-military precision. The rooms he stays in are neater than he'd ever kept anything, and he leaves no trace of himself anywhere. Nothing is out of place.

He does it because it reminds him that Dean isn't there.

Not that he needed another one.




He had months to craft the perfect argument, for when he finally caught up with the trickster. The perfect way to convince him to help. The most eloquent phrasing, the most effective words, the speech to end all speeches.

Not that he wasn't going to try to kill the fucker. That was plan A. But they'd killed him before, and it hadn't stuck -- how do you kill something that can manipulate perception and reality? -- so plan B was to talk. And he knew exactly what he was going to say.

He didn't get a chance to say it.

All that came out, in the end, was just a simple, desperate "Please."




When it's Wednesday again, Sam doesn't sleep. He just lies there, listening to Dean snore, watching his brother's shape in the darkness. The only time he closes his eyes is when Dean gets up and stumbles yawning into the bathroom to pee, and Sam feigns sleep, except for how his eyes are still open a crack to make sure Dean doesn't vanish.

He wants to crawl into Dean's bed, sleep curled together like they did when they were kids; then, it was the only thing that kept Sam from nightmares. But he doesn't move, not even when Dean shuffles back, settles noisily back in, falls quickly asleep.

Sam stares into the darkness, until the sun rises and finally, finally, it's no longer Wednesday.

Comments

( 37 comments — Leave a comment )
minim_calibre
Feb. 18th, 2008 08:12 am (UTC)
I have to make everyone go read this RIGHT NOW.

Except it's after midnight. DON'T CARE. MUST MAKE THEM READ!
la_perkins
Feb. 18th, 2008 08:26 am (UTC)
I did!

This is really really good.
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:41 am (UTC)
<3 Thank you :)
cass404
Feb. 18th, 2008 10:43 am (UTC)
Wow, this was amazing and it breaks my heart to think about what Sam lived in so many Wednesdays, it's exponentially worse than all of the Tuesdays.

Sam really becoming a hunter, promising to call Bobby once it is Thursday...

Very well done. Thank you for writing this and sharing it.

(You have very strong rec-fu, Min.)
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:43 am (UTC)
I seriously love this episode, in the sort of omg-it-breaks-me sense that a couple others have fallen into. But. Yes. The Sam we're seeing right now, that's trying to become more like Dean, is a little heartbreaking, and I kind of miss the early Sam; but the future!Sam was just full of ow.

And it called for fic. Obviously. *grin*

Thank you for reading and for commenting :)
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:41 am (UTC)
Heee. <333 Thank you for the rec. Well, and for reading. And commenting. And stuff. :) (I'm glad it worked as more than just oy-yet-another-Mystery-Spot-coda-fic.)
grand_sophy
Feb. 18th, 2008 08:58 am (UTC)
Sam refusing to acknowledge that Wednesday can be over until Dean is restored to him is both infinitely sad and more than a little creepy. Loved him calling Bobby when Thursday finally came.
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)
:) Thank you! (...and thinking about that phone conversation cracks me up. I'm not entirely sure why, but it does.)
dotfic
Feb. 18th, 2008 02:09 pm (UTC)
Oh, yes. minim_calibre is right. This is fabulous, sharp and insightful and understated.
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)
Thank you :)
iamstealthyone
Feb. 18th, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC)
Very nicely done. You packed a lot of emotion into this piece.

Favorite lines:

Bobby says, "I need to know you're okay," and that's part of why Sam never calls him back.

Oh, Sam.

Instead, he promises, wordlessly: I'll call you when it's Thursday.

*hugs him*

He calls because he promised to, even though Bobby doesn't remember what happened, and Sam doesn't explain why he's calling.

I really like this, that he keeps that promise.

Sam grew up the way he did because of John, but he became a hunter because of Dean.

Ooh, very interesting. Dean’s death certainly seems to have reformed Sam. I really hope the show explores this a bit.

Leave me a message, Dean's voice says, brisk and cheerful.

He does, sometimes, even though he knows it won't get heard.


This part makes me ache most of all, how desperately Sam needs his brother captured in just this one seemingly simple thing: leaving unanswered voice mails. *hugs Sam*

Sam stares into the darkness, until the sun rises and finally, finally, it's no longer Wednesday.

I like the gentleness and warmth of this ending line.
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:46 am (UTC)
Sam -- especially the future!Sam -- is just *flail*. I want to hug Sam and Dean both. And bake them chocolate chip cookies. And stuff. But that episode is full of flaily happy owness. (... uh. not sure that that description makes complete sense, but. I love this episode even though what it does to Sam is so painful.)

<3 Thank you for reading and commenting :)
iamstealthyone
Feb. 24th, 2008 05:59 pm (UTC)
I want to hug Sam and Dean both. And bake them chocolate chip cookies.

And pour them tall glasses of cold milk. *nods*

:)
buffyaddict13
Feb. 18th, 2008 04:06 pm (UTC)
this is beautiful. extremely well done. <3
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:47 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)

(... nice icon. *pets Sam*)
(Deleted comment)
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:47 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)
cofax7
Feb. 18th, 2008 05:44 pm (UTC)
Min sent me here.

This is FABULOUS.

Oh SAM.

::flails::

I think I want to eat your brain because this concept of it always being Wednesday is just brilliant.
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:48 am (UTC)
I can't promise there's much of my brain that's worth eating. *snicker*

But. I'll join you in the flailing, because. Dude. SAM. *pets him*

(he suffers so beautifully...)

And thank you. :) <3
shadow_of_doubt
Feb. 18th, 2008 09:02 pm (UTC)
You broke my heart all over again.
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:49 am (UTC)
Heh. Sorry? :) (And thank you. <3)
faithintheboys
Feb. 18th, 2008 09:21 pm (UTC)
Wow, great job! I loved this!
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:49 am (UTC)
Thanks! :)
a2zmom
Feb. 18th, 2008 09:30 pm (UTC)
Fantastic.


When he thinks about it, which isn't often, Sam rather likes being a weapon. It doesn't hurt half as much.


Scary and true. I love the descent you show here of Sam stripped into nothing.

(oh, here from Minim)
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:49 am (UTC)
Thank you :)

(and Sam without Dean just = ow. They both need each other so very much. *pets them*)
(Deleted comment)
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:50 am (UTC)
Thanks! :)
crazedcrusader
Feb. 18th, 2008 11:45 pm (UTC)
.....man, I just finished superglue-ing my heart back together from Thursday night.

*gets the welding torch this time*

Beautifully done, and completely agonizing - much like the episode itself. I love the idea that Sam rehearsed what he'd say to the Trickster, but was reduced to 'Please' in the end...and Sam keeping Dean's cell phone is just gorgeous.

Maybe my favorite thing about this is the asymmetry of the paragraph breaks. It's very sort of James Joyce, but with punctuation - almost reflecting Sam's thoughts, which were bound to be more than a little scattered when he let himself think about Dean during those three months, which was probably rarely.

And the 'This is how you became a hunter' part...actually reminded me of what is still one of my favorite scenes in 'Xena, Warrior Princess,' in which Callisto explains to Gabrielle why she doesn't feel much... 'Think back to when you were a little girl, and all you knew was your mother and your sister. And all of your faith revolved around them... Now kill them.'

Sort of makes you wonder how far Sam would have descended, if the Trickster hadn't sent him back.
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:53 am (UTC)
*hands you more superglue?*

Thank you. :)

And:

Sort of makes you wonder how far Sam would have descended, if the Trickster hadn't sent him back.

Pretty damn far, probably. He may have been able to go off to college, but at /this/ point both he and Dean need each other so much that losing one spins the other off into complete ... I don't even have the word for it. Unbalancedness isn't quite what I'm looking for.

(And I think the "You break my heart" line was actually the Trickster speaking as himself, despite the fact that he was still pretending to be Bobby. Like he'd been trying to teach Sam a lesson, except that Sam went whooshing way past the lesson into sheer scary nothingness.)
thenyxie
Feb. 19th, 2008 03:51 pm (UTC)
Very nice. I love all the little details here, how you made them your own; Sam keeping things neat to remind him Dean isn't there, silently promising to call bobby on Thursday and then keeping his promise, how he was reduced to just please. And then the other details, like becoming a hunter for Dean and keeping the cell phone charged, painful and sweet all at once.

Great job! :)
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:55 am (UTC)
Thank you! :) (The Sam that we're seeing now, that's trying to be more like Dean, is a little unnerving, but the future!Sam was just ... *flail* very *not* Sam. And very huntery. And. Just. *flail*)

(...I like this episode, in the sense of it breaking my heart into a million pieces...)
counteragent
Feb. 19th, 2008 05:44 pm (UTC)
great job!
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:55 am (UTC)
Thanks! :)

(*cracks up at your icon*)
jessm78
Feb. 22nd, 2008 04:00 am (UTC)
"Sam grew up the way he did because of John, but he became a hunter because of Dean."

This line says so much.

Brilliant job on this. It describes so well all that Sam has gone through over the course of Tuesday/Wednesday. My heart just ached for him.
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:57 am (UTC)
Thank you :) <3

(and Sam in this episode just makes me flail so much. I've started thinking of this episode as the Sam-parallel of WIaWSNB, just in terms of emotional impact for me.)
arliss
Feb. 23rd, 2008 12:22 am (UTC)
Lovely. Painful. True.
isabeau
Feb. 24th, 2008 03:58 am (UTC)
Thank you :)
redbrickrose
Mar. 4th, 2008 07:44 pm (UTC)
This is just fantastic.
( 37 comments — Leave a comment )